Friday, July 15, 2016

You're Going To Die

You're going to die.

Let that settle for a second. I'll wait.

You are going to die one day. We all are. Obviously. So why am I sharing that piece of not-so-new news with you? Because I actually heard that (I mean really heard it) a few months ago. I heard it, in a place where it resonated. I am going to die and what will I have done? What will I have to show for it? What will I be proud of having done? What will I regret doing or not doing?

I am going to die.

I'm not sure why now, but this was a bit of a kick in the pants for me. I have been about to become a writer, about to become an artist, about to get in shape, about to commit to my ethics, about to spend more time with my family and friends,...about to do a lot of things, for some time now. But I haven't actually done those things.

Until now.

Until I accepted into my heart and my soul and my mind, that I am going to die. And it scared me.

So where do you think I started? If you look at that list of things that I have been about to do at any moment, where do you think I started?


Ha ha. That surprised you, didn't it? It surprised me a bit too, but I was looking for something exciting, interesting, something to make me feel more alive because man oh man, I was feeling bogged down with adulty life things. I really needed to let loose a bit and try something new, something that scared me. And it was boxing.

And I'm so glad that I did. I love, love, love it.

The first three weeks, I was unable to lift my arms over my head which made life much more difficult. But slowly (excruciatingly slowly) with massage, chiropractor, and physiotherapy appointments (I am so not kidding), I was able to work through the debilitating pain and get stronger. Stronger. Yay.

I am still the weakest person in the class to be sure, but at 48 years old, I'm okay with that. I won't be competing or fighting or becoming involved in a bar brawl, but I have done this uncomfortable thing. This thing where I am the oldest person in the room, the most out of shape person in the room, the most uncoordinated (I could go on),...I did a really hard thing and I'm so proud of myself.

And I feel like this is the start of a bunch of hard, uncomfortable things that I am set to do now. So maybe, just maybe, when I do come to the end, I will be proud and satisfied, content with the choices I made, the accomplishments I garnered. Sigh. Just maybe.

What about you? Is this something that is a struggle for you also?

1 comment:

Magic Love Crow said...

Good to hear from you Terry!
My friend, you first have to love yourself!!! Love yourself!!! Once you love yourself, there are no regrets! Forgive and live! Also, be proud of yourself everyday! You are a wonderful person!
Shit, there are things, well, one thing I have to get my ass together and start, but no regrets! When it's time, it's time! You have to live everyday and smile!
I am proud of you with the boxing! Keep it up!!! And, make sure when you look into the mirror every morning and night, you give yourself a wink!!!
Yes, we are all going to die, but if you believe in reincarnation, we aren't dying, just coming back! LOL! And, if you haven't learned your lessons, you will be repeating a lot of the same! So remember, LOVE YOURSELF!
Love ya, Big Hugs!